


Replacement for Pain

by livingwithmermaids



Series: Hinting At Something Different [210]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Addictions?, Episode: s09e17 Mother's Little Helper, First Blade, M/M, Touch kink kind of, Understanding Sam, Voice kink kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 20:05:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4759268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livingwithmermaids/pseuds/livingwithmermaids
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He started touching Sam more; trying to slowly ween himself off of his memories by having something to squeeze or hold when he started feeling overwhelmed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Replacement for Pain

**Author's Note:**

> Season 9 episode 17 Mother's Little Helper

Crowley wasn't exactly wrong when he said Dean was addicted to the Blade. He could still feel the adrenaline rushing through his veins when he held the Blade, the comforting hum that rang in his ears when he killed Abaddon. He couldn't stop thinking about it. And it was starting to concern him.

He was turning into a junkie. It pained him to admit the weakness, but the memory of the feeling from the Blade was not clouding his judgement, not yet. He knew if his thoughts continued to linger on the Blade, he'd go insane trying to chase that feeling. So he did the only thing he could think of to get rid of the itch.

He replaced his addiction with Sam.

It wasn't ideal, but he felt like there was no other option. He neededto focus on something other then the Blade, and Sam just there.

He started touching Sam more; trying to slowly ween himself off of his memories by having something to squeeze or hold when he started feeling overwhelmed. Sam noticed the increased contact, of course, but when Dean slipped his hand in his or twisted his fingers in his jacket as they walked, he started taking the initiative. Sam would wrap an arm around his shoulders or his waist and let Dean lean into his side, or catch Dean's foot in between his as they walked.

The touching worked, for a while. Dean could shift his attention to Sam's rough skin instead the feeling echoing through his bones. It worked at first, until it wasn't enough. So Dean started listening to Sam's voice more closely.

He'd always liked Sam's voice. It was smooth and gravely at the same time, and the more Dean studied it, the more he fell in love with it. He started concentrating on making him laugh, or making him speak in that soft tone he got when he was tired and fighting to stay awake. The longer he listened, the easier it was to drown out the calls of the Blade, and Dean started waking up everyday eager to hear Sam speak to him. He was lucky that Sam seemed to get it, because made sure to fill silences with mindless conversation.

He never told Sam how he was holding himself together, but he seemed to understand all the same. 


End file.
